Chapter 3: Just Joking

“So, as the one in charge of the accounts, I’ve come to discuss a business deal with you.”

The Embroidered Uniform Guard had ten commander’s offices, each corresponding to one Chief Commander. Unlike ordinary military commanders, their rank was that of a Fifth Rank official. By rights, someone at Li Miao’s level would only appear in cases involving high officials or influential families, when raids meant extermination. For someone like Yan Xiaosheng—nicely put, the leader of the capital’s underworld, but in truth just a glove-puppet—sending a Chief Commander was far too much honor.

So, when Yan Xiaosheng heard Li Miao mention a business deal, his eyes lit up.

If the Guard had come solely for him, he would have no chance of survival. But if they still had to consider the powers behind him, and were open to negotiation, perhaps he could bargain for his life.

He definitely didn’t want to die. If there was room to bargain, there was room to survive.

But Li Miao waved his hand, extinguishing all his hopes. “Don’t overthink it—you’re definitely going to die.”

Yan Xiaosheng’s gaze darkened. After a long pause, he said, “If I’m dead no matter what, what’s the point of talking?”

He had abandoned hope. His words were no longer polite.

All he waited for was a single opening. If Li Miao showed even the slightest weakness, he would seize that chance to subdue this weary-looking commander.

For those who had cultivated their internal strength, their energy and spirit were naturally full; before their end, their power flowed ceaselessly, and they rarely showed fatigue. Seeing Li Miao’s weary face, Yan thought he was either lacking in skill or simply out of sorts.

Yan’s own martial skills were first-rate in the underworld. Maybe, just maybe, he could take Li Miao hostage and escape the capital with his life.

Once he was outside, the world was wide. He could hide anywhere, change his name after a few years, and with his abilities, live well again.

“Let me finish.” Li Miao took a sip of wine, not even glancing at Yan Xiaosheng, as if completely unaware of the tension in Yan’s coiled muscles, the energy already gathering for a deadly attack.

“In a while, we have official business and lack manpower. Even those of us usually stationed in the capital will have to leave for a time.”

“Before we go, the Commander wants us to clean up any troublemakers in the city, so that when we’re gone, you won’t stir up trouble.”

“You, Dragonhead Yan, are the most conspicuous one. But as we dug into your affairs, we found too many powerful patrons behind you. If we raided your house and exposed something big, it’d look bad.”

“So I suggested that this matter be left to you. And then, like being driven to market, I got sent here to negotiate.”

At this, Li Miao frowned, clearly displeased to have been handed this task. The guards behind him exchanged glances and stifled laughter.

Their own Chief Commander was good at everything—capable, skilled in both civil and martial arts. But he only had the energy for four hours’ work a day. Once that time was up, he looked as if he hadn’t slept in three days and wouldn’t lift a finger for anything. If not for the Commander himself giving orders and smashing a teacup, even the Deputy Commissioner couldn’t move him. Had it not been for that laziness, he’d have been promoted long ago.

“Here’s the deal. I can give you three more days to live.” Li Miao spoke mildly to Yan Xiaosheng. “In those three days, you settle things with your patrons, pay what you owe them. Whatever remains, pack it up and send it to us.”

“That way, we don’t have to haggle with your patrons, and they don’t have to worry about being exposed. Isn’t everyone happy?”

“And after that?” Yan Xiaosheng gritted his teeth.

“After that?” Li Miao glanced at him. “After that, you die.”

“At home, of sudden causes. Make it look gruesome—scare those who are still hiding, save me some trouble.”

“Damn it!” Yan Xiaosheng was furious to the point of laughter. “You dogs really don’t speak like humans. You take all the profit, and I’m supposed to obediently kill myself? And make it bloody, too? What the hell do I get out of it?”

“You can leave five silver taels for your unborn child. That’s all.” Li Miao spread his hands.

That one sentence froze the blood in Yan Xiaosheng’s face, but the next moment he was back to normal, casting a strange look at Li Miao.

“I’ve never married, never had a child.”

“Didn’t you buy a courtesan last month? She’s pregnant. Our people had a doctor check—guaranteed.”

“You die, we get the money, she gets five taels and her freedom,” Li Miao said seriously.

Yan Xiaosheng was silent.

His expression shifted from hesitation to madness, but ultimately, a vicious look settled on his face.

“Go to hell!”

He roared, smashing the table with both palms and striking at Li Miao’s chest.

Courtesan, child—what did it matter? As long as he lived, he could have as many children as he wanted.

Now, he would stake his life on the martial arts he had honed for thirty years! His nickname, “Iron Palm Maitreya,” had been built on a pile of corpses.

He glanced at the surrounding guards, wary of their intervention. But they stood unmoving, eyes lowered, merely watching his palms shoot toward Li Miao’s chest.

Bang!

A muffled thud as his palms landed—yet it was Yan Xiaosheng who flew backward, each step shattering the flagstones beneath him, only stopping when he slammed into the wall, dust raining down around him.

He spat a mouthful of blood. Looking down, he saw a deep fingerprint pressed into his chest, bone shattered beneath.

And he hadn’t even seen Li Miao move.

Not only Yan Xiaosheng, but the other bandits in the room stared in terror.

Yan’s martial arts were first-rate. Don’t think that first-rate martial artists were everywhere; to be called so was to be a top expert in an entire region. There were not many such people in the land.

These others had been waiting for Yan to make his move, hoping to join in for greater odds. But in an instant, before they could react, the fight was over.

It wasn’t even a contest—it was utter crushing.

To shatter a first-rate master’s chest so casually, and to send him flying with his own blow—just how terrifying was the skill of this Chief Commander, who claimed twenty years of paperwork?

Could even the masters of Wudang or Shaolin do this?

A young guard snorted. “Hmph! Did you really think a mantis could stop a chariot? Did you think that of all the Chief Commanders in the capital, only ours could sit in his post for twenty years?”

“As long as our Chief is here, even if a dozen like you came, you couldn’t make a ripple in this city!”

“Enough.” Li Miao, dusting his sleeve, waved him off. “No need for flattery. I just don’t like getting sun and rain, and my colleagues look after me. All this business of chariots and stability, you’re giving me goosebumps.”

He cupped his hands to Yan Xiaosheng. “My man was joking, Dragonhead Yan. Don’t go spreading rumors.”

No one took it as a joke.

Yan coughed blood, his spirit broken. “I’ve mixed in this city for over a decade and never heard of you. I wasted forty years, thought myself accomplished, but today I see I was a frog in the well.”

He pointed to the dent in his chest. “This finger broke my heart’s pulse. With my skills I’ll last three more days. That was your intention?”

“Just a coincidence,” Li Miao replied, hands in his sleeves.

After a long silence, Yan spoke. “One hundred taels.”

“None of this five or ten nonsense. I don’t ask for much—give my child a hundred taels for a new life, and I’ll do as you say.”

His hope of survival gone, his only wish was to leave something behind. At death’s door, anything could be negotiated.

But Li Miao shook his head, not joking. “Five taels. Not a coin more.”

“You—!”

Yan’s face twisted with anger. After all his years, a cup of tea cost more than five taels. Was this deliberate humiliation?

Surely this Chief Commander, with all his power and bribes, wouldn’t care for the difference between five and a hundred taels.

“I already told you—you ran brothels, traded in flesh, kidnapped and forced sales. Not counting what you cheated and stole, among those you bought outright, I picked a middling figure. I didn’t even count the children you took by force. By your own rules—don’t say I’m bullying you.”

“If your child had been born and enjoyed your ill-gotten gains, I’d have sold him to a brothel as a procuress for five taels. Fair?”

“You—” Yan’s hand shook, wanting to point at Li Miao, but dropped weakly.

“Fine. Five taels.” He slid down the wall, drained of strength.

“Deal!” Li Miao clapped his hands, stood up, and walked out without a glance at Yan.

Passing the two unconscious thugs, he casually kicked them each, snapping their necks. At least their deaths were quick.

The remaining bandits offered no resistance, and the guards locked them in chains and marched them away.

Li Miao, hands in sleeves, stepped outside to his sedan chair.

The young guard who had boasted rushed to lift the curtain, and Li Miao climbed in, closing his eyes to rest.

Outside, the young guard asked softly, “Chief, is that courtesan really pregnant?”

“Pregnant? Yan did too much evil, never had a child in decades. What are the chances we catch him now? Did you really think he’d leave an heir?” Li Miao replied, eyes shut.

The young guard scratched his head, grinning. “You always have a way, Chief. What about the courtesan?”

Li Miao paused. “Let her go. When Yan’s money arrives, take a little for her, help her settle down. At least she’ll be free of her suffering.”

“Give her—a hundred taels.”

“Understood.” The young guard signaled for the party to return to headquarters. But Li Miao lifted the curtain, weariness etched deep on his face, eyes barely open, slumped in the corner.

“You all go back and make your report. I’m going home to sleep.”

“But, Chief, the Commander is waiting for you...” the young guard hesitated.

“To hell with him. I only work four hours a day—that was promised by the Commander himself, bought with my life. I’ve already done him a favor today. If he’s not satisfied, go to my desk, under the paperweight, show him the note with his seal from all those years ago...”

His words drifted off, growing indistinct. “I only...work...eight hours a day...”

And he fell asleep.

The young guard could only sigh. When the Chief was asleep, not even firecrackers in his ear would wake him. He instructed the porters to carry Li Miao home, while he led the others back to headquarters to face their scolding.

Only the brightly lit tavern remained behind, with a few corpses and Yan Xiaosheng, left to await his death.