Chapter Forty-Five: I Am Myself

As soon as Shen Lie stepped onto the bridge, he felt a chill wind sweeping in gusts, but the mutated crows underfoot did not disperse. Even as more and more people climbed up, the bridge showed no sign of collapsing.

Crows still flitted about along both sides, darting to and fro near the edges of the span. Shen Lie followed behind Yang Weiguo with a tense expression. Beneath the bridge lay that pool of red water, and in the pool stood a bizarre, barren tree covered in blossoms. If one fell from here, the outcome would be anything but pleasant.

Suddenly, a miserable howl came from behind them, a woman’s voice. Startled, Shen Lie turned at once, thinking something had happened to Zhang Jing. Only when he looked back did he see that a young girl behind Zhang Jing had been attacked by scattered mutated crows, and after dying she had fallen from the bridge.

No one knew what stroke of luck had allowed that girl to survive until now, only to fail at the very last moment. Her body descended slowly into the red pool, and in an instant became nourishment for the scarlet flowers.

Shen Lie felt no particular emotion at this. After so many ordeals, his heart had gradually turned hard. He merely glanced faintly at the spot where the girl had fallen, then had Zhang Jing and Little Tao Tao move ahead of him.

Although some people had turned back into the passage, most were still on the bridge, well over half of them, perhaps two or three hundred in all. Those behind pressed forward into those in front, easily forcing Shen Lie and the others into the thick fog.

The moment he entered the fog, Shen Lie realized that his senses were greatly restricted, and the pill beneath his nose no longer seemed quite so fragrant. He could only barely feel weak signs of life ahead and behind, and even Zhang Jing, so close at hand, was hard to make out.

He also discovered that the crow bridge beneath his feet had become unstable. First it rose in wave after wave, then began to sway from side to side. He had the feeling it would probably come apart in no more than a minute or two.

“Hold on to me!” Shen Lie barked softly.

He grabbed Zhang Jing and Little Tao Tao, who were still carefully moving forward, and his whole body took on a pale golden sheen. With the black spear horizontal across his chest, he gathered all his strength and sprinted ahead!

As he ran, Shen Lie suddenly noticed an important problem: after dragging the two of them along for so long, he had not bumped into a single person.

Not only had he failed to collide with anyone, he had not even seen a soul. It was as if everyone around him had vanished all at once.

The crow bridge was only about ten feet wide. Because he feared missing a step and falling, he did not dare run too fast. Though his vision was poor, there was no way he should have failed to touch anyone at all. Professor Liu, Yang Weiguo, and the others had all gone up before him, yet the road ahead was now completely empty. He refused to believe that Professor Liu and the rest could have moved that quickly.

Whoosh!

Shen Lie stopped short and snapped his head around.

At once, his heart jolted. Behind him there was likewise nothing—no one at all, not even the red mist. Only a black, swaying bridge spanned the void.

“This is an illusion. It’s an illusion!”

Shen Lie clenched his eyes shut, then turned back and opened them again.

This only made his expression more grave. He realized that opening and closing his eyes had not broken the illusion, but instead caused Zhang Jing and Little Tao Tao, whom he had been holding on to, to vanish as well. The entire bridge now held only him.

Shen Lie opened his mouth as if to shout, then swallowed the cry back down. The situation was far too strange; better not act rashly.

He lifted his foot and continued forward, still looking ahead and behind as he walked. But before long he found himself running without meaning to, and the faster he ran, the more frantically he sped up. His whole body seemed to be dragged along by something. His mind sank into a world of falsehood, becoming a puppet on invisible strings.

“Young man, have a bowl of thick soup and rest a while!”

A hoarse voice sounded on the bridge, instantly stopping Shen Lie in his tracks and dragging him back from illusion into reality.

The bridge still had no end in sight, but at some point railings had appeared on both sides, and the span had taken on an arched shape. He was now standing at the very top of that arch.

Ahead of him sat an old crone with a face full of wrinkles. She was perched on a stone stool, with a large pot set before her. Though there was no fire beneath it, the broth inside was boiling furiously. The old woman was stirring with an oversized ladle, gazing at him as she stirred.

“An old lady from the underworld?”

With the bridge beneath his feet, the pot, the broth, and this scene before him, Shen Lie could not help thinking of a figure from ghostly legend.

“Young man, would you like a bowl of soup?” The old woman ignored his question, ladled out a scoop from the pot into a bowl, and motioned for him to drink.

How could Shen Lie dare drink such an eerie bowl of soup? If this truly was the soup of oblivion, then once he drank it he would lose his memory and be reborn into another life.

“Thank you, Granny, but I’m not thirsty right now. I have matters to attend to, so I’ll take my leave.”

Shen Lie shook his head vigorously, as if it were a rattle, while trying to circle around the old woman.

But then something strange happened. No matter how hard he pushed forward or how fast he tried to go, whenever he passed over the arch and descended, he would once again find himself back before the old woman.

“It’s useless. This is the Bridge of Rebirth. Only those who have severed the ties of the past and ask nothing of the life to come may cross. Drink it. Once you drink this bowl of soup, you can pass.”

As she spoke, the old woman brought the bowl to Shen Lie’s lips.

With those words, Shen Lie suddenly felt his consciousness grow hazy. It was as though a thousand voices were questioning him in his ear.

“What use is the past? What of the life to come? What must be cut should be cut. Drink, drink, drink!”

“Drink, drink, drink...”

Wave after wave of voices left Shen Lie more and more dazed. Unconsciously, he took the bowl from the old woman’s hand and slowly raised it to his mouth, opening it to drink.

Suddenly, an image flashed through Shen Lie’s mind.

It was a beautiful and kind woman. Though dressed plainly, she was very neat. Standing far off in the void, she smiled at him.

“Xiao Lie, don’t be naughty. Go wash your hands and come eat. Mom made your favorite chicken legs today!”

His mother’s figure suddenly blurred, transforming into the hazy outline of a man.

“Xiao Lie, when Dad isn’t home, you have to protect your mother properly. Be a man, and don’t be weak!”

“Xiao Lie, why aren’t you in Sun City yet? Hurry and come over!”

A gentle voice rang out. It was his cousin’s voice.

“Shen Lie, there’s no future between us. Let’s break up.”

The voice of his first love also surfaced.

“Lie, it’s so good for our brothers to make our way in the capital. Why go back home? Unless you’re going back to play house with your childhood sweetheart, hahaha...”

The voice of his college friend in mischief stirred up still more scenes from his life in Shen Lie’s memory.

Sever the ties of the past?

Ask nothing of the life to come?

Then would I still be myself? Who am I, and who is this self? After struggling for so long in this apocalyptic world, what meaning would remain?

“I am still me. No matter how bitter the past life was, no matter how hard the next one may be, joy and sorrow, life and death, all are part of being human. I will not forget, and I do not want to lose them. Granny, forgive me!”

“I am me!”

Shen Lie suddenly let out a thunderous roar. He flipped the bowl in his hand and hurled it straight toward the old woman’s face, while the black spear in his other hand flared with a great burst of black light, sweeping toward her in a sweeping arc of flickering radiance.