Chapter Thirty: Breaking the Engagement and Regret

Is it really alright?

Xin Gan didn't ask any further. She just wanted to confirm whether Jiang Tang was the only one interested in him.

The wind was picking up. Xin Gan reached up to steady her hat and asked, "Where are we going?"

He had just suggested that there was a small temple nearby—they could take a look around. Xin Gan followed him. With the hat shielding most of the sunlight, it didn't feel so hot anymore. She could look up at the distant sky without squinting.

Around the temple, colorful flags fluttered in the wind, all whipping frantically in one direction. Xin Gan’s hair was tossed about, and she brushed it behind her ear, pressing her lips together.

There was nothing remarkable about the temple; it was a small, local place, filled with regional character. Monks were chanting inside. Cheng Jiu entered respectfully and bowed in front of the altar. Xue Ling, imitating his gesture, also bowed, though she couldn't help but feel puzzled—did someone like him actually believe in Buddhism?

She’d always thought he was an atheist.

Cheng Jiu asked, "Do you want to draw a fortune stick?"

"No," Xin Gan refused instinctively.

"Why not?"

"It’s just…"

"You don’t believe in it?"

"No," Xin Gan replied. "Do you?"

Cheng Jiu’s voice was calm. "Then what about what I just told you—do you believe that?"

Xin Gan's heart skipped a beat. She bit her lip and said nothing.

Cheng Jiu said, "You don’t believe it."

Earlier, she’d asked him about his relationship with Jiang Tang, and he’d replied that there was nothing between them. Then he’d asked her if she believed him. She hadn’t answered, but now Cheng Jiu spoke aloud the answer she could not admit herself.

No, she didn’t believe him.

They were both adults; Jiang Tang’s feelings for him were so obvious that anyone paying attention would notice. Jiang Tang made no effort to hide her affection, and when Xin Gan arrived, Jiang Tang felt threatened and couldn’t wait to hint at her connection with Cheng Jiu in front of Xin Gan.

Cheng Jiu picked up the container of fortune sticks from the table and said, "Go on, try it—just draw one."

Xin Gan was distracted and didn’t take the container from him.

After a dozen seconds, she said, "I just don’t believe in these things."

He turned to her, gaze calm. "Is it that you don’t believe her, or you don’t believe me?"

Xin Gan hesitated. "Do you want the truth?"

"What else?"

"Neither of you."

Cheng Jiu pressed his lips together, silent for a moment, then suddenly walked over and bent toward her. "Xin Gan, let me be honest with you too. I don’t believe you’ll actually break off our engagement either."

"What do you mean?"

"The literal meaning," Cheng Jiu said, gazing into the distance, his pupils echoing the blue of the sky. "I’m not young anymore. I should settle down soon—for the sake of both our families."

"You want to go back on your word?" Xin Gan’s tone grew anxious. "You promised me. You said you were willing to call off the engagement, you only agreed a short while ago."

She hadn’t expected him to go back on his word and play tricks.

Cheng Jiu glanced at her, put the container of sticks back, and walked out of the temple ahead of her.

She followed him all the way back to where they’d parked, but he ignored her the whole time.

He opened the car door and got in. The driver’s side door was still open. Xin Gan set her hand on the handle, standing not far from him, frowning as she stared at him. "Cheng Jiu, are you lying to me?"

Cheng Jiu took out a cigarette, lit it, and exhaled a thin plume of smoke. "Xin Gan, why did your parents give you that name?"

He changed the subject, refusing to answer her directly.

Xin Gan couldn’t bring herself to smile. She kept biting her lower lip. Her face was pale, her heart pounding with anxiety and frustration. For now, she couldn’t imagine why he would go back on his word.