Chapter 137: Desolation

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The brother and sister fell silent for a while, and neither brought up anything unpleasant again. Now that Xin Gan was pregnant, Cheng Jiu’s attention naturally centered on her. Worried that Cheng Hui might feel neglected, he said, “If anything comes up, contact me anytime. I was too busy to look after you these past few days.”

Cheng Hui understood, of course. “It’s fine. Sister Xin has been taking good care of me. You go ahead and focus on your work. I’m not a child anymore. I can take care of myself.”

“Good. If you ever run short of money, let me know.” At the very least, he could not allow money to become a burden for her. He was more than capable of supporting her, and he was hardly short of cash.

Cheng Hui agreed.

“You’re not coming home for the New Year, so take good care of yourself. Buy whatever you feel like eating, and whatever clothes you want.”

“Brother, aren’t you indulging me a little too much? This doesn’t sound like you at all. Don’t be like this. It’s making me nervous.”

Cheng Jiu had always been strict about her spending. He would not let her waste money, and he made her keep records of every expense. It was not that he was petty; he simply wanted her to develop good habits and avoid spending recklessly.

Yet now he was actually letting her spend as she pleased?

“Stop talking nonsense. It’s not as though I’m short of money because of you.”

“Wonderful. A real brother really is the best.”

Cheng Hui’s gaze darkened, a hazy mist gathering in her eyes and refusing to disperse. It was the middle of winter, and snow was still falling outside. Dressed too lightly, she stood on the terrace watching the snowy landscape in silence for a while before asking, “Brother, how is He Chuan?”

In the end, she had still asked about him. She could not help it. She wanted to know how he was doing.

“I don’t mean anything by it,” Cheng Hui said. “I just want to know how he’s been lately. And how is Uncle He?”

“Uncle He has been discharged from the hospital, and his condition has improved. He’s conscious, but he’ll have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.” Cheng Jiu paused for several seconds. “As for He Chuan, things couldn’t be much worse for him. He’s still the same, dealing with the He family’s affairs.”

With He Cheng around, peace was impossible for the He family.

Cheng Hui asked cautiously, “Brother, does he have a girlfriend?”

“Hu Hui, are you still thinking about him?”

“No, I’m not.” Cheng Hui forced a light laugh. “We’ve known each other for so many years, and Uncle He was always kind to me. I’m only asking out of concern. I’m not foolish, Brother. I won’t fall at the hands of the same man twice.”

Once was unfortunate; twice was more than enough.

“It’s good if you’ve truly let go. Then I can rest easy.”

“All right, Brother. Nothing else is going on. You should get back to work. I need to do my homework.”

“Mm.”

Xin Gan had not told Cheng Jiu about Cheng Hui’s suicide attempt. Cheng Hui did not want them to know and had specifically begged Xin Gan to keep it a secret.

This year, the Cheng family was livelier than usual because Xin Gan was pregnant. Her belly had barely begun to show, yet Madam Cheng had already ordered baby supplies to be prepared. She had even converted a room on the second floor into a nursery for her future grandchild.

Madam Cheng wanted a grandson, while Mr. Cheng said nothing and expressed no opinion.

Cheng Jiu was perfectly content to let nature take its course. It was still too early to tell whether the baby was a boy or a girl, but whenever Madam Cheng mentioned wanting a grandson and he happened to hear her, he immediately emphasized that boys and girls were the same and there was no difference between them.

Pregnancy was genuinely difficult for Xin Gan. She was prone to allergies and lactose intolerance, which meant there were many things she could neither eat nor use. She suffered terribly.

She also worried that her constitution might be inherited by the baby. She felt too delicate and thought she was already letting the child down.

Cheng Jiu was busy with work, and when things became hectic, he could not spare enough time for her or the baby. He felt guilty, but there was nothing he could do. His work mattered too. Xin Gan understood and moved back to her family home, where her mother could take better care of her.

As a result, Shen Ruxin brought Keke to the Xin household every few days to visit her and keep her company.

Pregnant women were prone to heightened sensitivity and emotional fluctuations. The weather was cold, and Xin Gan was especially afraid of it. She did not even want to go outside. Wrapped in a shawl, she sat on the sofa. The living-room table had been moved aside and replaced with a layer of soft carpeting. Keke sat on the carpet playing with building blocks, while Shen Ruxin sat beside Xin Gan, patting her hand and chatting with her.

Xin Gan’s mother brought over a basin of freshly cut fruit and urged Keke to eat. Keke picked up a piece and bit into it, juice running over her mouth and fingers. Her grandmother fetched a tissue and wiped her hands.

Watching Keke, Xin Gan’s mood lifted somewhat. She smiled quietly and said, “Isn’t Keke starting primary school soon?”

“Yes, but she’s very resistant to the idea. She was supposed to start last year, but she cried and threw tantrums for ages. Song Chen couldn’t bear it, so he let her stay home and play for another year. One extra year is fine; there’s no need to rush her. But come September, she’ll have to go even if she doesn’t want to.”

Although Song Chen had allowed Keke to spend another year at home, he had not neglected her education. He had hired a tutor to teach her basic primary-school subjects so that she would not fall behind once she finally started school.

Xin Gan nodded, her thoughts drifting away. She could not imagine what sort of personality her own child would have. Would it resemble Cheng Jiu more, or her?

In her heart, she hoped the baby would take after Cheng Jiu.

Shen Ruxin placed a hand on her lower abdomen. “Have you decided on a name yet?”

At that, Xin Gan shook her head. They had not decided.

“There’s no hurry. You still have several months to think about it.”

Xin Gan murmured in agreement and leaned back against the sofa. In the afternoon, sunlight poured gently into the room. It was rare to have such pleasant weather, and little by little, the warmth seemed to reach her heart. She felt comfortable and content.

Suddenly, Keke needed to use the bathroom and began calling for her grandmother to carry her. Xin Gan’s mother picked her up and took her away.

The two women were alone now. Shen Ruxin leaned closer and lowered her voice. “While Auntie isn’t here, I’ll tell you a little piece of gossip.”

Xin Gan looked puzzled. What could be so secretive?

“What is it?”

“Do you remember Madam He? There was a rumor before that He Cheng had gotten his female assistant pregnant. Well, it was true. But that isn’t the important part. The important thing is that Madam He brought the assistant back to live at the He residence.”

Xin Gan frowned. Since Madam He knew about it and had brought the woman into the household, did that not amount to acknowledging the child’s existence? Once it was born, it would be a grandson of the He family.

Shen Ruxin sighed. “That girl is so foolish. Does she really think having a child can tie a man’s heart down? He Cheng has been a womanizer for years, and Madam He is not someone to provoke.”

It was only a minor episode, and Xin Gan did not take it to heart. In their circle, anything that happened would spread quickly. Nothing could remain absolutely secret. Even the grievances between her and He Cheng had become public after the previous exposé.

She was not sure whether the Cheng family knew, but Madam Cheng had not mentioned He Cheng or their past again.

Perhaps she was taking the child in Xin Gan’s womb into consideration.

In truth, Cheng Jiu was also very protective of her. Madam Cheng had originally wanted Xin Gan to stay at the Cheng residence during her pregnancy, but Cheng Jiu refused and sent her back to the Xin family home instead. He moved in with her as well, making it easier to care for her.

One weekend, Cheng Jiu made time to accompany her to the hospital for a checkup. It was only a routine examination and would not take long. Neither of them expected to run into Madam He at the hospital, accompanied by a young woman with an enormous pregnant belly.

Xin Gan noticed at once that the girl’s stomach was unnaturally large and out of proportion with the rest of her body. Her complexion and overall condition did not look particularly good.

Madam He was the first to cast them a cold glance. She snorted and turned her head away, apparently unwilling to see them.

Cheng Jiu was not the sort of man to argue with a defenseless woman. Afraid that Xin Gan might be upset, he put an arm around her waist and led her toward the other side of the corridor.

The young woman had also seen Xin Gan and the man beside her.

She had seen photographs of Xin Gan and knew exactly who she was. She also knew that she was the woman He Cheng could never forget.

He Cheng often called out Xin Gan’s name in his sleep. Azhu had heard it so many times that remembering it was unavoidable.

She had read all the exposés online and learned that Xin Gan and He Cheng had shared a relationship far more complicated than she had imagined.

Seeing Azhu standing there in a daze, Madam He said, “What are you waiting for? Do you intend to stay here? What is it? You’re so unwilling to go back to the He residence?”

Azhu came back to herself and quickly shook her head. “No, Auntie. I just saw someone I knew and lost track of my thoughts.”

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“Someone you know? You mean Xin Gan?” Madam He sneered. “Did you get a good look?”

Azhu nodded, biting her lip. Xin Gan had come for a checkup, accompanied by her husband. What else could it be but a pregnancy?

A sharp pain pierced her heart, making her hand tremble faintly.

She was only a woman herself. She wanted her man’s care and affection. She wanted him to accompany her to the hospital for her prenatal checkups.

But that was nothing more than a delusion.

“What is it?” Madam He asked. “Do you know who she is now?”

“Yes, I know.”

“Good. Now stop standing around. It’s your turn. I’ll wait outside. Come out as soon as the examination is over.”

He Cheng had never accompanied her to a prenatal checkup. Only recently had Madam He begun coming with her.

Unable to resist, Azhu glanced in the direction Xin Gan had gone. That man was Xin Gan’s husband, wasn’t he?

An unwilling look appeared in Azhu’s eyes. She wanted He Cheng to accompany her to her checkups too, but he would never come.

Madam He left as soon as she had finished speaking.

After examining Azhu, the doctor told her that there was nothing wrong and sent her away.

Azhu hesitated. “But I don’t feel well. I don’t know why.”

“It’s only psychological. Don’t worry.”

“Is that really all it is?”

“Yes. That’s all.”

“All right. Thank you, Doctor.”

The examination was simple, yet Azhu still felt that something was wrong. Since the doctor had said she was fine, however, she temporarily put her mind at ease.

The doctor said nothing more.

When Azhu stepped into the corridor, she saw that all the pregnant women waiting there were accompanied by their husbands. She alone was by herself, isolated and forlorn.

Even on such an important holiday as the New Year, He Cheng could not be bothered to return home.

On impulse, she called him and asked softly whether he would be coming back. After all, the He residence was his home. On a day meant for family reunions, how could he not return?

The moment he heard her voice, he coldly said, “Stop bothering me,” and hung up.

That night, Azhu did not sleep at all. Only when no one was around did she dare to weep aloud.

She believed she had done nothing wrong. Why did He Cheng treat her this way?

She did not ask for much, and she was not greedy. She merely wanted to give the child in her womb a complete family and prevent it from following the same path she had.

She herself had grown up in a single-parent household. She understood too well what it was like for a child to grow up without the warmth of a family.

She did not want her own child to go through that kind of life.

…

This was Xin Gan’s first pregnancy, and there were many things she needed to pay attention to. Although she was nervous, Shen Ruxin and her mother took such good care of her that she did not feel completely overwhelmed.

Just as Xin Gan and Cheng Jiu walked out of the hospital, they happened to see Madam He waiting at the entrance. Xin Gan instinctively glanced at Cheng Jiu and said, “That’s Madam He.”

Cheng Jiu gave a quiet acknowledgment, clearly intending to ignore someone irrelevant. “Let’s go home.”

Madam He, however, walked toward them with a broad smile and greeted Xin Gan. “Xin Gan, how can you see your aunt and not say hello? Are you pregnant too? How many months along are you?”

“Cheng Jiu, long time no see. I never expected to run into the two of you at the hospital. I thought I was mistaken when I saw you upstairs. Are you here for a prenatal checkup too? There are so many people at the hospital on weekends. I almost failed to recognize you.”

Xin Gan linked her arm through Cheng Jiu’s and said, “What a coincidence. I thought I was mistaken too, but it really is you, Madam He. Are you here for a checkup as well?”

Madam He understood perfectly well that Xin Gan was pretending not to know. She did not expose her. “What would I be checking for? He Cheng’s girlfriend is pregnant, so I accompanied her here. He Cheng is busy with work. He has too much on his hands, and as a public figure, it isn’t convenient for him to come.”

Xin Gan smiled, revealing nothing. “Then I won’t keep you, Madam He. Cheng Jiu and I will be going.”

With that, she left without looking back.

Madam He gave a contemptuous snort.

…

Xin Gan and Cheng Jiu got into the car. Cheng Jiu leaned over to fasten her seat belt, saying, “Why didn’t you let me speak just now? Why bother with her? It was a waste of time.”

Xin Gan did not care much about Madam He’s attitude. “She’s a woman. Women like to enjoy themselves with a few sharp words. If you had argued with her, I would have felt that I was putting you in an awkward position.”

He had no interest in quarreling with Madam He, but he could not bear to see Xin Gan mistreated.

Cheng Jiu gently tapped the tip of her nose. “So you should let yourself be mistreated?”

Xin Gan smiled softly. “I’m not being mistreated. Aren’t you here? If anything happens, you’ll protect me. I won’t suffer.”

Cheng Jiu laughed helplessly. His voice was gentle and sincere as he apologized. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I’ve made you suffer. I shouldn’t have encouraged you to do this. After this baby is born, we won’t have any more children.” He did not want her to suffer. Every morning, when he heard her vomiting from morning sickness, he felt distressed and tormented as well.

There were many kinds of pain in this world that no one could truly feel on another’s behalf.

Xin Gan smiled, her eyes curving sweetly. “You said yourself that you encouraged me. I did this willingly. Besides, I want to have a child with you.”

Cheng Jiu had no way of resisting her. She always had countless reasons that left him completely disarmed.

“Then just this one. No more after that.”

He was firm, and Xin Gan had no objections. She had not even given birth yet, and already the pregnancy felt exhausting and torturous. She could not imagine what labor itself would be like.

Xin Gan slipped her arms around his neck and kissed the corner of his lips. “Have you been very busy lately?”

“It’s all right. There’s always more to do around the New Year. Once I’m finished, all my time will be yours.”

Xin Gan never lost her temper with him. She rubbed her cheek against his neck, a gesture she had taken to making often lately. It showed how dependent she had become on him, and it was also a small act of coquettish affection.

“By the way, Hui Hui isn’t coming home for the New Year. Will she be all right alone in London?” Xin Gan suddenly thought of Cheng Hui and remained worried about her.

She had asked friends to help look after her—not only Julia, but Doctor Ye as well.

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She had asked Doctor Ye about Cheng Hui, and he had replied that everything was fine. Cheng Hui had no serious problems, although she still occasionally lost control.

“I spoke with her on the phone,” Cheng Jiu said. “She said everything was fine. If you’re still worried, I can find someone to go check on her.”

“That won’t be necessary. I have friends there who are helping take care of her. Don’t trouble them.”

Xin Gan did not dare let Cheng Jiu send someone to visit Cheng Hui. If they noticed anything unusual, the truth would be exposed. She had promised Cheng Hui that she would not tell Cheng Jiu and would keep her secret.

Now that Xin Gan was pregnant, Cheng Jiu also did not want her exhausting herself by traveling back and forth between the two places. It was too far.

During the holiday, some friends invited Cheng Jiu out for a gathering, so he brought Xin Gan along to give her a chance to get some fresh air and relax.

Many familiar faces were there, all part of Cheng Jiu’s circle. And since it was his circle, He Chuan was there too.

Xin Gan’s pregnancy had not yet become obvious. She wore loose clothing, and the layers she had on for winter concealed her figure well enough that no one could tell.

All the men in the room took care of the women present. Anyone who wanted to smoke went outside; no one smoked in the private room.

He Chuan arrived last, bringing a female companion with him.

Xin Gan could not help taking another look. She heard someone say that the woman was He Chuan’s assistant and had come with him. She had also been his junior at university.

There were layer upon layer to their relationship.

Xin Gan understood perfectly well.

She said nothing and sat quietly beside Cheng Jiu, drinking fruit juice. Cheng Jiu and He Chuan were still on good terms. When they met, they greeted each other as usual and sat together talking for a while.

From beginning to end, He Chuan never once asked about Cheng Hui. It was as though he had forgotten her.

Xin Gan felt that Cheng Hui had been treated unfairly, but this was a matter between the two of them. She was only an onlooker and had no right to speak for Cheng Hui.

Before long, Xin Gan became acquainted with the young woman He Chuan had brought. Her name was Wen Liang, and she had been one year below He Chuan at university. Her actual age was difficult to guess from her appearance; she looked very young. She took the initiative to greet Xin Gan and called her sister-in-law.

Wen Liang was cheerful and straightforward. She quickly blended into He Chuan’s circle and became familiar with his friends, joining in their conversations.

The people at the next table were discussing He Chuan and Wen Liang. Xin Gan keenly overheard them joking that perhaps the two were about to marry, otherwise why would He Chuan have brought her tonight?

Wen Liang and He Chuan were speaking with others at the far end of the room and did not hear.

Xin Gan tightened her grip on her glass, her knuckles turning white beneath her fingertips.

“I heard Wen Liang had feelings for He Chuan back in university. Who would have thought they’d reunite after all these years?”

“They’re like dry tinder meeting a spark. One touch and they’ll burst into flame.”

The women discussing them were all connected in some way to He Chuan’s circle. There was always some degree of familiarity between them.

Tonight’s gathering had not been organized by He Chuan. It had been arranged by someone else, for friends who had grown up together in the same circle.

Xin Gan could not say anything in front of everyone. Besides, she felt that there was no reason for her to be so angry. Cheng Hui and He Chuan had already ended things. If He Chuan had found someone new, that was his freedom. There was nothing wrong with it.

And yet she could not swallow her resentment. Cheng Hui’s illness had, to some extent, been connected to He Chuan. Perhaps not entirely, but there had certainly been some connection. If not for him, Cheng Hui would not have suffered so much.

Meanwhile, He Chuan was doing perfectly well, utterly unaffected.

In that relationship, Cheng Hui had suffered the greatest harm.

Even Xin Gan, who was normally mild-tempered, felt her emotions stir this time. She believed she had misjudged He Chuan from the beginning. But perhaps it was better that they had broken things off. The sooner it ended, the sooner the pain would end, and that was ultimately good for Cheng Hui.

After hearing from Cheng Jiu that Xin Gan was pregnant, He Chuan walked over with a smile to offer his congratulations.

“Congratulations.”

Xin Gan merely replied coolly, “Thank you, Mr. He.”

Both Cheng Jiu and He Chuan noticed the formality in her address, though their expressions differed. Cheng Jiu said nothing. As her husband, he sensed her displeasure almost instantly. She was probably angry.

He Chuan touched his nose. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, and now you’ve changed the way you address me too.”

“Are we that familiar?” Xin Gan’s coolness became even more pronounced.

“Xin Gan, are you angry with me because of what happened with Cheng Hui?” He sounded somewhat helpless and shrugged. “It’s all right. I understand.”

“Cheng Jiu was angry with me for the same reason back then. But who can explain matters of the heart? If two people don’t suit each other, they part.”

His expression was indifferent. This was the first time that evening he had mentioned Cheng Hui, and even then, he sounded cold.

As though they were discussing someone completely insignificant.

Xin Gan stood up and smiled without warmth. “Mr. He, you really are broad-minded. You know how to take things up and let them go.”

Before Cheng Hui left for London, she had called He Chuan from the plane. Xin Gan had heard about that call from Cheng Hui. Because of it, the last trace of goodwill she had held toward He Chuan vanished in an instant. She had thought he had been forced to give up Cheng Hui because of circumstances, but that was not the truth.

Seeing that Xin Gan was angry, Cheng Jiu shot He Chuan a warning glance, telling him to stop.

Xin Gan said, “I’m tired. I want to go home and rest.”

Cheng Jiu stepped forward, put an arm around her, and gently patted her shoulder. “All right. Let’s go home.”

He Chuan said nothing more. He stepped aside to make way. There was no point in saying anything else to Xin Gan.

…

Cheng Jiu took Xin Gan home to rest. After she fell asleep, he left the room. When he checked his phone, he saw a message from He Chuan. After reading it, he called him back.

The call was answered almost immediately.

“She didn’t come home for the New Year?”

The person he referred to was naturally Cheng Hui.

Cheng Jiu knew whom he meant. “No.”

“Did Aunt Cheng…”

“She didn’t want to come back.”

Silence.

Cheng Jiu said, “Cheng Hui was ill some time ago. Xin Gan went to see her.”

He Chuan’s heart tightened. “What happened?”

“You’ve already given up on her, so don’t ask about her anymore. And don’t ask in the future either. She’s my biological sister. If you can’t give her what she needs, then stop disturbing her. As for what happened tonight, let it end here and don’t mention it again. Xin Gan is pregnant, and pregnant women are emotionally sensitive, with moods that fluctuate greatly. I hope you can understand.”

When had the two of them begun speaking to each other with such formality?

He Chuan’s hand tightened around the railing as he held his cigarette. He stood high above the city, looking down over its countless lights. On a day meant for family reunions, he was alone, facing the cold silence of an empty room with no one to talk to.